ComPASSIONate Marriage/ COMPASSIONate Divorce Adding passion to your marriage or compassion to your divorce. |
| What is a Compassionate Marriage? A compassionate marriage is one in which each person treats the other with respect. There is empathy for your spouse’s thoughts and feelings, even when there is a disagreement. “I” messages are used to express your feelings, instead of “you” messages which usually sound blaming or judgmental. Instead of behaving as two adversaries, a couple learns how to peacefully co-parent for the sake of their children. Even if there are no children, a Compassionate Divorce helps each individual to let go of their hurt and anger so they can move into the next phase of their life with peace and freedom.
|
|||
|
|
How do I have a compassionate marriage or divorce when my partner refuses to get help? It only
takes one person to begin to make a difference in the relationship. If even one
can come from a place of compassion, it changes the dynamics instantly.
How can I be compassionate when my true
feelings are anger and hurt?
The first place
to start being compassionate is with yourself. You need to allow time to feel
your hurt and cry your tears. You can learn to express your anger in a healthy
way and begin to set appropriate boundaries. When you honor your feelings and
needs, it then frees you to be more understanding about those same emotions in
your spouse. What can I do about all the wounds from
the past?
Those can be
healed through the therapeutic process. You can learn to feel empathy and
compassion for yourself and your partner.
Why be compassionate when I want to end
the relationship?
Your children connect you as co-parents forever. Minimizing conflict is the best gift you can give your children. Your negative energy creates an inner turmoil that affects their thoughts and behavior. Healing work benefits everyone, even if divorce is inevitable. And the healing can still be accomplished after a divorce has been finalized. What if I don’t have children? Why not just
let the lawyers do the divorce and never see each other again?
A
peaceful resolution enables the separating couple to resolve their individual
issues so that they don’t follow you into subsequent relationships. We bring
people into our lives who will help us grow. The way we are triggered by
another is just a nudge to us to look into the parts of ourselves that need to
be unburdened from pain from the past.
How does a compassionate marriage or
compassionate divorce affect other people?
By healing and relating respectfully to your partner, you provide a model of behavior that friends and family can emulate. What are the steps to take? (1) Do your own work. You can’t change anyone else, but you can change
yourself.
(2) Pay attention to your body, feelings and thoughts. Connect to your Self, your Higher Power, inner voice and find your peaceful center. (3) As you heal, you will have the clarity to make constructive decisions. What do I need to know if I'm thinking of divorce? Guidance is available. You are not alone. You do not have to “figure it
out” by yourself. You can learn a heart-centered approach to life that will
improve your relationships. In one session you can learn how to communicate compassionately. You can also order my audio download or e-book on "What You Need to Know if You'r Thinking of Divorce" which include legal information, emotional support, and a guided relaxation meditation to offer guidance at this difficult time. Let
go of frustrations and unhappiness. Become more energized, focused and
peaceful. Begin to honor and nurture all parts of yourself. Changing your life
is possible. I’d like to help you discover your dreams and offer you support to
achieve them. |
|
Linda B. Kroll, JD, LCPC
Therapist, Mediator, Attorney 400 Lake Cook Road, Suite 217 Deerfield, Illinois, 60015 (847) 914-0560 www.lindakroll.com |